It's enough to make your wig spin

Since we'll be commemorating the anniversary of the Declaration of Independence this week, it seems a fitting time to update you Founders on a few things that have happened since you began this nation.

No, Ben, we're not going to open the meeting in prayer. Yes, we know that at the Constitutional Convention in Philadelphia you moved that sessions be opened with prayer, but there wasn't enough money to hire a chaplain.

Yes, sir, we have the money. Yes, sir, it is rumored you can still find a few people of faith in our nation's capital; it's just that praying in public is discouraged these days.

We can however, pause for a moment of silence. Heads bowed, please. One one-thousand, two one-thousand. All righty, thanks fellas.

What's that, George? You're wondering about the stature of the office of the presidency? Yes, we are aware you had concerns that office not be treated like royalty.

Well, and I think you're going to get a kick out of this, sir, — the editor of Newsweek said that our president, Barack Obama, stands above the country and the world, "he's sort of G-d."

George? Could someone get George the smelling salts? Clear a path, please. Thank you.

Mr. Madison, Mr. Hamilton and Mr. Jay, you will appreciate knowing that the Constitution is still with us. It is treated like soft clay, but the frame is still there. A few changes of note:

We no longer fear the federal government or seek to limit it one iota.

Is Ben's wig spinning? Could someone calm that man down?

What's that, George? Government is like fire? It is a dangerous servant and a fearful master?

We're embracing the "master" phase right now, sir. The federal government has taken over banks, mortgage companies, insurance companies and automobile companies. The feds are racking up trillions of dollars in debt it will take generations to pay and selling our notes to the Chinese.

Mr. Hamilton, please quit moaning! Others can't hear.

Just a few more things. Security, could you move down front? The Randolph contingency is getting restless. The federal government is about to provide health care for every man, woman and child. Government bureaucrats will tell people what procedures they can have done and which doctors they can see.

I knew you'd be excited! Calm down, gentlemen! Big government is our friend now.

No, there wasn't any bloodshed. No battle. We just handed omnipotence to the feds on a silver platter.

America's enemies? There's no shortage, gentlemen. They've sworn to kill us. We had a number of them locked up in a prison called Guantanamo, but we're setting them free. We sent a few to a beautiful tropical island and the rest we may bring up here to the States. We fight our battles with words these days - adverbs, adjectives, prepositional phrases, alliteration.

No, Mr. Jefferson, I'm not joking.

What's that Mr. Jay? Doesn't anyone read the Constitution or the Federalist Papers?

It's such dry reading, sir. All those big words and no pictures. If you could get someone to do a music video about them, you might gain some interest. We're just not that into reading anymore — we do Twitter though.

It's not a bird, Mr. Hancock. Twitter is a — oh, never mind.

What's that, Ben? Have we never heard of liberty?

Of course we have. It's a bar over on Broadway.

MORE Adjectives (& a couple'a adverbs, too)

Human Rights on the Backburner Obama has accepted the Iranian government’s smothering of democratic dreams. By Anne Bayefsky Just as the thugs on Iran’s Guardian Council were confirming Mahmoud Ahmadinejad as president, Barack Obama and his top officials were unveiling the administration’s Iran policy. From a news conference and a series of Sunday-talk-show appearances we have learned that the Obama plan is this: Speak loudly and don’t carry any stick.

It began on Friday at Obama’s joint press conference with German chancellor Angela Merkel. First came the hot air: “The violence perpetrated against [the Iranian people] is outrageous. . . . We see it and we condemn it. . . . What’s happened in Iran is unacceptable . . . and we call on the Iranian government to uphold . . . international principles.”

The obvious follow-up question was this: Given that the Iranian government never had any interest in upholding the “international principles” you mention — such as “universal rights to assemble, speak freely, and have their voices heard” — what impact will that government’s actions have on your administration’s Iran policy? ...

... President Obama, the human-rights paragon, turns out to be the human-rights victim’s worst nightmare. The façade says he cares. But as soon as defending human rights proves inconvenient to his larger goal of rapprochement with Muslim dictators and “engagement” with fascists in Tehran, Gaza, Ramallah, and Damascus...

...he 'cuts and runs' (THE #1 Democrat military strategy).

— Anne Bayefsky is a senior fellow at the Hudson Institute and at Touro College. She is also editor of www.EyeontheUN.org.

Birds of a Feather

"Awwaaauuuuuck! Barry's an Idiot!"